i'm signing you up for texting rehab
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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