Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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