I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
tell me about the eggs
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
