i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
