So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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