U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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