Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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