i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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