I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
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