i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
