and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
