The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
