The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
