So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
