where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Operation Purity has been aborted
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
