Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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