if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
