Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
