At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
