My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
