Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
