I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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