These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
