real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
