Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Randomize
