look no pants
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
