Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
