Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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