I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
