I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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