alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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