You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
