I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
