I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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