I'm gonna have a badass scar
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
