I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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