first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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