Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
