Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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