She's JV to your varsity
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
