the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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