how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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