My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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