So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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