Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
