Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
