You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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