I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
