I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
