i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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