That's intense
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
