hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
