They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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