All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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