Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
