Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
