I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
