Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
