Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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