dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
